Dating Is Dead

The usual way that one in America these days gets into a relationship is to begin to date. This is begun with “the prowl.” You first go to places to meet other singles. These often resemble feeding time at the zoo or a medieval meat market, complete with flies and rotting meat.

Then there is the obligatory conversation before getting down to the real business of the evening: “Your place or mine?” This can vary somewhat from a quiet drink somewhere to performing partially clothed intercourse combined with amazing feats of tongues down throats in a very public place punctuated with cries of “Get a room!”

It’s enough to make someone puke. In the very highly unlikely event that the word “divorce” would ever come to my mind, the prospect of having to date again would be enough to cure me of ever even thinking that word again in my life.

So my wife and I skipped it (John is writing this column). This post is going to give you a better way to get involved with someone — a way that will require a bit of discipline and a difference in mindset. But it will result in a lifetime marriage and, more importantly, a lifetime friendship.

The way that Nicole and I talk about is the complete discarding of “chemistry.” The feeling that comes upon someone when they meet…what…their soulmate? It sure feels like that. So how come you’ve gone through so many “soulmates?”

Well, the actual reason is very simple. Here’s your brain. Here’s your brain on drugs.

When you meet someone with the correct gene combination to want to bone dance with them certain chemicals get produced in your brain, subtracting all reason, accountability and sense. These chemicals are designed to get you and the object of the chemicals’ desire into bed together and mix genes.

But that’s all. The only thing that these chemical signals tell you is that the other person would make a good gene donor to the human race when his or her genes are mixed with yours. They don’t tell you how you’ll get along, or even what kind of mommy or daddy the gene donor would be. They just tell you that, according to the chemicals. Mr. or Ms. Right is right for mating and producing good progeny for the human race.

This was very useful when the average life expectancy was, oh…..fifteen. Yeah! That’s a saber tooth tiger over there! You’d better hurry up and mate before you are lunch. (This is why the car took so long to invent…kids were getting eaten before they were old enough to get their driver’s licenses…sorry…)

But “chemistry” isn’t so useful these days. In fact, it is downright destructive. But so many people like it because it IS, after all, chemicals and an addiction.

These chemicals wear off in predictable cycles. This is the explanation for all those people you liked for an evening or a couple of weeks and then came to yourself and said “What am I doing??” The chemicals keeping you stupid just wore off, giving you insight into the depth of your incredible stupidity in thinking that you and Quasimodo or the Bride of Frankenstein over there could even be a couple much less soulmates!

The only way to get into a decent relationship is to stop counting on chemistry and begin to look at a better way of doing things. This is possible, but isn’t going to be easy. You see, you LIKE the excitement of the first date jitters and the weak and horny feeling you get when chemistry is in full swing.

So, before you read one more post of ours, you’ve got some questions to ask yourself.

1).. Do I really want a long-term, loving relationship, or do I just like to bone dance?

2). Am I addicted to excitement?

3). Am I willing to put my transitory feelings aside and enter into relationship with a healthy person for once, or do I want to still keep dating the nutcases?

Only you can answer this. But don’t bother to keep reading us if you just are looking for tips on how to get someone else into bed, are addicted to excitement and don’t want to become un-addicted, or are in love with your feelings instead of what’s best for you.

Next time, we’ll look more at this and start to look at solutions!

Peace and joy,

J.